Kennedy and Me

I must admit I was really ready for this birthday to be over with. You see, Kennedy was assassinated on November 22, 1963. More than ten years later, I was born on that same date. Over the years it has been a bummer to wake up on my birthday with newspaper headlines that read, “Today America Mourns.”

This year marks the 45th anniversary of Kennedy’s death and lots of people (by that I mean the media) in DFW can’t stop talking about it. Our local news discussed all the tourist traffic in Dealey Plaza and the Sixth Floor Museum which were suddenly hot spots. Also, one news station interviewed the police officer who was handcuffed to Lee Harvey Oswald at the time of his shooting. Suddenly, it seemed as if JFK’s ghost was all over town.

The whole idea of someone being killed that way is creepy and to have video of it played over and over on your birthday is no fun. I do understand how Dallas and its people were changed after November 22, 1963. It happened here so here is where they will talk about it a lot. But JFK’s ghost was creeping me the hell out.

It was a good thing that I made plans to stay out of Dallas during the weekend of my birthday. And just so you know, people in other cities don't make a fuss over the 45th anniversary of JFK’s death. Maybe they just have a different way of reflecting on it or perhaps they aren't particularly interested. Either way, it was a nice to celebrate without a Jack Ruby-tini on the cocktail menu.

1, 2, 3 ..... FRIDA!

In our own lives, there are things that stay deep within us. Problems, sorrows and painful events that we are afraid to talk about because they are too agonizing. We don’t even think about them because they hurt too much. But Frida Kahlo took the painful things in her life and painted them; exposing her most vulnerable and most tender spots. She allows all of us to go deep within her soul to feel those sorrows and understand what her life was like. It has been a dream of mine to attend a Frida Kahlo exhibit because I have always been fascinated by the brutal and beautiful honesty of her paintings.

Frida Kahlo’s exhibit in San Francisco was so popular that you had to buy a ticket for a specific time. In order to control the heavy foot traffic going in and out of the museum, you could only enter the exhibit at the time stamped on your ticket. We had a 1:00 p.m. start time and at 12:45 a short line was already forming inside the museum. My heart was pounding and I could hardly wait to get in. Around the corner I could see two of her paintings and that made me even more anxious.

The guy taking the tickets saw me and looked at the time on my ticket. He said, “It’s only 12:50, you know.” I smiled and explained that I was excited and just couldn’t wait. He took my ticket, and as he ripped the side off he said, “Three, two, one, FRIDA!” He opened the gate and I flew through.

As you slowly drift from painting to painting, you feel as if you are reading someone’s journal. You are going through the life of an outspoken woman who endured unthinkable pain, suffered tremendous losses, had outstanding gains, beat many odds and was usually circled in controversy. You see the deepest, darkest places of her life and no matter how tragic or beautiful, you can’t look away.

I walked up to “Henry Ford Hospital” in which Frida painted the excruciating pain of one of her many miscarriages. Previously, I could only glance at prints of the painting because it was so filled with heartache I could hardly stand it. But as I stood in front of the real thing, I gazed at it for what seemed like days. I ached for Frida and for the people I know who have gone through that. I had a glimpse of what it means to endure that kind of sorrow and I wept. I found many others in the room were weeping, too.

I saw my favorite painting “The Love Embrace of the Universe, the Earth (Mexico), Myself, Diego and Señor Xólotl” and was amazed by the emotion seeping out of it. Frida’s devotion and undying love for Diego Rivera is obvious in this painting as in many other paintings. But in this one, I also see balance and a mutual need for each other. I see a natural and spiritual connection between them. To me, this painting is a touching love story.

Many times I am asked why I like Frida’s paintings. Some people have told me that her work is “too bloody” and “makes no sense.” I admit that Frida’s paintings are intense but that is what sets them apart. Her work doesn’t just speak; it screams. It weeps. Her paintings are alive and they give you a humbling, honest look into a woman’s life whose deep-rooted issues were not always pretty. Sometimes life is brutal and difficult to look at. Sometimes it is as vibrant and fresh as her painting, “Viva La Vida - The Watermelons.” Either way, her paintings are the real Frida and an invitation to see life through different eyes.

San. Fran. Thank you, ma'am.

In early September, my friend D and I had a very quick trip to San Francisco. We landed on a Friday and were gone by Sunday. Our main reason for going was to see the Frida Kahlo exhibit at the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art. I will need a whole different post to cover Frida so for now, let’s talk about San Pancho.

Our stay was less than 48 hours long but we crammed a lot in there. The museum, Lombard Street, Fisherman’s Wharf, Alcatraz, Golden Gate Bridge, cable cars, sourdough bread and more Painted Ladies than I could count. (Ahem, these Painted Ladies - get your mind out of the gutter.)

The thing I like about San Francisco is the public transportation. I’m a big fan of trains, buses, mass transit, etc… and San Fran has done it right. It was super easy to get around and super cheap. Oh, and it is super crowded so I hope you don’t mind odd smells or the occasional inappropriate graze.

The thing that surprised me about San Francisco was the weird hours they keep. It was around 8:00 p.m. California time on a Friday night and we wanted to grab a quick bite near our hotel in the shopping district. We were exhausted and didn’t feel like making a big deal out of dinner. After walking around several blocks, we found that all the restaurants had closed around 7. We actually had to eat at an ice skating rink concession stand that night. Gross!

The thing I really dislike about San Francisco was their weather. They have a horrible climate there – on one block you are sweating bullets and on another block you are covered up with scarves and gloves. You have to be prepared for all kinds of weather in just one day and when you are traveling, that is a lot to carry around. In fact, carrying the cold weather clothes was so cumbersome that I actually lost my scarf. As I type this, someone in the Haight/Ashbury district is cozying up with my $3 Old Navy scarf.

The thing I love about San Francisco is their diversity. There are so many different cultures there and each seems to have their own neighborhood. Their diversity brings such interesting people, foods, traditions and lifestyles into one city. Way cool! They are so different but live so harmoniously. Well, except maybe this guy.

On Sunday, we got to the airport and discovered that our plane was delayed. That caused us to miss our connecting flight in L.A. After several heated conversations and much stress, they were able to get us to L.A. and then we had to fly to Albuquerque. From there we flew to Denver. From there we finally flew into Dallas. We were supposed to have landed in DFW at 6:00 p.m. on Sunday but instead we landed on Monday at 1:00 a.m. After four flights in 12 hours across 4 states, it was only fitting that they lost our luggage and it wasn’t returned to us until Tuesday. Fun!

Frida and me hanging out by Alcatraz.












The last pic of my scarf.

Lombard Street

My Beef With Latina Magazine

I got my first subscription to Latina magazine as a gift. I liked the mag and when that gift subscription ran out, I paid to renew it. About 2 months into my paid subscription, Latina magazine fired their editor and hired a new one. I certainly don't know anything about the world of magazines or journalism, but I've seen enough episodes of Ugly Betty to know that a new editor likes to make a splash.

The new editor's splash was to put Jessica Alba on the cover. Throughout the interview, the editor danced around those anti-Latino comments Jessica made and tried to spin it as if it were some misunderstanding. The whole interview felt like the editor was bullying the reader into thinking she was at fault for wrongly judging Jessica. I was ready to cancel my subscription but decided to give the magazine a fair chance.

Things were going ok until the September 2008 issue with Eva Longoria on the cover. In the interview -which felt more like an Eva infomercial- Eva described herself by saying, "I'm a 1950s housewife." I call bullshit. Eva is not a housewife - she is employed full time with no children. Eva is a DINK: double income, no kids. (And that income happens to be in the millions.) The whole interview was a sales pitch. They were spinning it to paint her as Angelina-in-the-orphanage and Eva is much more like Gold-digger-at-the-country club.

I was glad when one of my favorite blogs, Guanabee, called Eva out on that stupid comment and the many asinine things she said in that interview. As Guanabee said, many women in the 1950s were not even given the opportunity to have a career. Women of color in the 1950s had even fewer opportunities. Also, for someone in Eva's position to make comments like that is an insult to the women I know who really are housewives and mothers - which is the hardest job on the planet and they do it without millions and without outside help.

But Latina Magazine struck back in the November 2008 issue in the "Letters to the Editor" section. The mag brought up Guanabee's insightful comments but they also threw in that "Latina readers had nothing but love" for Eva and quoted a reader who wrote in about "lovely" Eva's "humility." I guess it was her humility that made her showed off her ring for a Microsoft commercial. (:30 into the clip)

I don't like being bullied into liking Jessica Alba. I don't like an interview that turns out to be a commercial for a fake product. Those are good tricks but they should save it for somebody else that is stupid enough to fall for it. And clearly, that's not me.

My Nieces

When my brother told me he was going to fight for full custody of his two daughters, I thought he was in for the fight of his life. In Texas, as in most states, it's extremely difficult for fathers to gain full custody. Plus, proving a mother is unfit is no small thing.

But after several years, several court hearings and several thousands of dollars he WON! (And it is totally true that his lawyer's name is Sharpie.) My brother now has full custody of my two nieces and my former sister-in-law doesn't even have visitation rights anymore. Which is a GREAT thing because my nieces would have been safer with Amy Winehouse than with their own mother.

Anyway... that awesome news called for a family party complete with Celebration Chicken. (Our family tradition of celebrating with a little pollo from the Azteca Meat Market.) It's so great to think that my nieces now have a real chance at a more stable, normal life and they can complete a full year of school without having to move at all.

I feel really blessed to be able to call them anytime I want, visit them, celebrate holidays with them, buy them clothes, spoil them, and all the other things aunts do. I could never even have a relationship with them before and now I get to have ALL of that and I just can't wait. My first mission for them: Halloween costumes! And to convince one of them to be Wonder Woman.

Peace, Man!

Well, the Nerd War of 2008 has ended peacefully. It required a bit of a compromise. A Geneva Geek Conference, if you will. The professor came at us with everything in his arsenal but the Dean served as Switzerland and helped us reach an agreement.

It is a long story and typing it here would give me carpal tunnel syndrome. And why would you want me to get that? I just got back from the war! But basically...the professors had to agree to change some things on the exam and grade on a curve. We had to accept that some questions on the exam were simply not going to be changed. We were also given an extension on our final assignment to make it stellar for as many points as possible.

To be perfectly honest, I already had an A in the class. But there were some people who were between an A and a B and us nerds were not going to settle for a B! This was a battle of principle, not necessarily grades. Fortunately, it ended well and there is peace once again in Geektopia.

On a side note: I made a trip to San Francisco with my girl friend D. We saw Frida Kahlo's exhibit and I took 4 plane rides in one day to get home. I'll tell you more in my next post. Until then, keep the peace!

The Nerd War

So I'm in an all out war against my current professor. That dude does not know how to write exam questions. I'm in a class full of education professionals - we're trained on how to write questions. Poorly written questions on an exam just won't fly with us. And yet, this professor seems to think he's gonna let it get by. Twice! The mid-term and the final appear to have been written for some other class.

Here's the deal... his lecture notes say one thing while the state documentation says the opposite. Then the multiple choice question about that topic shows up on the test and the choices available are partly from his lecture and partly from the state docs. So which response is right?? Which would you choose? Would you side with the teacher's notes? Or stick with the state's documentation? So far, the answers are inconsistent. Sometimes the info from the lecture is listed as the correct response; sometimes the state docs are correct.

Needless to say, those inconsistencies have pissed us all off. There's nothing worse than a bunch of nerds with their panties in a bunch.

The Nerd War has stressed me out because I know we have a huge fight on our hands. The professor has refused to remove any questions from the exams because he claims they are all correct. The others in my class (about 200 people) are pissed and they are planning to fight. It's the first time I've ever had to do this and I hope our soldiers are as ready to fight as me.

To get my mind off the Nerd War, I decided to watch the MTV Video Music Awards. I got through about 50 minutes of it. The Jonas Brothers came on and were introduced as having this "historical performance." However, it looked and sounded like they were on Sesame Street - complete with guitars on the steps of a brownstone. Kermit and Elmo could have been singing it and I would not have noticed the difference. Or maybe that high pitched noise really was Kermit and Elmo!?

Wait a minute!!! Forget the VMA's. Mad Men is on tonight and I actually consume that instead of dinner. Yum!! Gotta go!

Seattle!! (Oh, and Canada)

Two of my college buddies, D and A, live in Seattle. Another one, L, lives in Amarillo. I decided it was time for a mini-reunion in Seattle and, luckily, sweet L was eager to visit Seattle. M also wanted to go. So… I flew to Seattle with L and M on June 26.

We got there, rented a little car and drove straight to D’s house. I saw him last year in Texas but it was great to be on his turf…where he has been living for almost 9 years. That first night he took us to eat French fries with foie gras. Positively decadent!

Our friend, A, was nice enough to let us crash at her house on Alki Beach. She has lived in Seattle for about 10 years. Seeing her again was like a breath a fresh air. That leggy blonde is fun and is guaranteed to make you smile just by looking at her.

On June 27 we decided to drive into Canada and spend the night in Vancouver. I’m not sure what to say about Vancouver. I will only say this: If you are interested in the smell of piss baking in the sun, strung out bums smoking dope in a public park and paying $15 for a six pack, then Vancouver is your city! Also, if you like seeing police officers, beautiful landscapes and general cleanliness then go to Stanley Park or the Capilano Bridge – those are Vancouver’s best assets. One more thing – it took 2 hours to get across the border back into the U.S. because there are only a few lanes to pass through. Nightmare!

We drove back to Seattle and made a pit stop in Whidbey Island. We took the ferry over to the island and enjoyed a beautiful, relaxing day there. The quant little shops, the corner bar and the gorgeous ocean views were amazing. The only thing that looked better was L’s haircut! Her friend lives there and hooked L up with a great do!

Once we got back into Seattle, we had a few days to do all kinds of things. The Space Needle, Pike Place Market, the Freemont troll, the Olympic Sculpture Park, the piers, Archie McPhee’s Toy Store, Uwajimaya in the International District and a fun Mariners game at Safeco Field. We happened to be in Seattle during Gay Pride Week and we watched the Pride Parade. I’m still not sure how some of their floats were legal on the street.

We had a lot of fun but two things really stood out to me. One was the amazing food. D is a chef and knows where to go and what to order. We would have a fantastic dinner and believe that nothing could top it. Then D would take us to another restaurant and completely wow us again. It was worth the few extra pounds.

The second favorite was the night we hung out at A’s house. She got out her guitar and casually strummed. Then she started to sing in that same familiar voice that used to come through my dorm room walls. It was like hearing a lovely song that you hadn’t heard in years.

My unbelievable time in Seattle was just what I needed. It allowed us to have some hang out time with each other – which we have not done since college. My only regret is that we only had 5 days together. And we blew one in Canada. Oh well. Live and learn.

My Tennessee Waltz

My family can tell you stories about the many road trips we took over the years. In the early 80s, we got a white Suburban and that thing drove us all over the U.S. for almost 20 years. Denver to visit my brother who was hospitalized there in his teens, my grandmother’s funeral in south Texas in 1994, and a spring break vacation to Las Vegas were just a few of our many destinations. Regardless of our ages or our destination, the one thing that remained constant on our road trips was the music.

My dad has a full-blown passion for music. He’s almost like a teenager who sees life without an iPod as punishment. His musical taste is extremely diverse but Johnny Cash, George Jones, Conway Twitty and Elvis are just a few of his favorites. Because dad played and sang those songs repetitively on our vacations over the years, they are now a symbol of my childhood. So it was with great excitement that I was able to visit Nashville, TN.

It was 39 degrees when my sister, C, and I landed in Nashville. Luckily, we packed coats, scarves and gloves. We got to our hotel and immediately felt as if we were in that horrible movie Bio-Dome. The Gaylord Opryland is an inexplicably large hotel and it was probably the worst hotel I’ve ever stayed at in my life. And that does include the hotel we stayed at in Santa Fe, NM in 1990, which is now condemned. The Opryland hotel is loud, over-priced and the employees are trained to respond, “I don’t know,” to any question. It’s pretty on the surface but really ugly deep inside, just like Jessica Alba.

C and I had plenty of time to explore the city. We walked through the famous Ryman Auditorium which was the original home of the Grand Ole Opry from 1943 – 1974. We attended a concert at the The Grand Ole Opry House which was built in 1974. At the concert we saw Martina McBride and Lee Greenwood sang, "I'm Proud To Be An American!" (That's him in the picture below.) We had a beer at the honky tonk bars with my old college buddy who lives in Nashville, we bought Johnny Cash prints in Ernest Tubb’s and we even stood in front of the famous Sun Recording Studios.

I admit I am not a huge fan of country music. The only country music I listen to is the old stuff – my dad’s stuff. But I have an appreciation for all music and Nashville is overflowing with musicians. The street corners are filled with singers and open guitar cases waiting for your loose change. The streets also have a scattering of bums. Many were shirtless or in shorts – even on the day it snowed!

Towards the end of our stay, it got warmer and the sun came out. It was fun to explore the city and not fuss with gloves and scarves. We toured the President Andrew Jackson exhibit at the Tennessee State Museum and bought the best pralines at a downtown candy store.

Throughout our visit, those old songs were buzzing in the stores, museums and honky tonks. It was almost like having our dad with us. My only regret is that he wasn’t able to go with us to Nashville. So, instead, I sang to him.

I'm Alive!

Whew! It's been a while. Sorry about that. The last few months have been swamped with all kinds of things. Vacations, a funeral, grad school, a wedding and a little illness my doctor jokingly called an "airplane infection." Don't ask.

The good news is that things are finally starting to get into place. I've gotten into a rhythm with my grad school schedule. I only have one more vacation this year (San Francisco in September to see the Frida Kahlo exhibit). And just one more wedding in December that I happen to be officiating!

Hopefully I can get better with the whole blog thing. I have a couple of vacation stories to tell so I'll try to post those this week. I'm trying to decide which pics will accompany the blog...so many to choose from!

Anyhoo...I miss you. Call me soon!

Who Doesn't Love a View-Master?

My friend J and I went to see Iron Man this weekend. To my delight, Robert Downey, Jr. proved to be a refreshing choice to play Iron Man. Unlike many comic book character movies (I'm looking at you, Spiderman franchise), Iron Man has actual dialog and even a few funny lines. It was great and I'm not surprised it has taken in over $200 million worldwide in five days. But there was one thing that caught my eye and had me feeling nostalgic throughout the movie. Iron Man/Tony Stark has a fancy light-uppy thing implanted in his chest. To me, it looks just like a View-Master disk. It made me wonder if I could flick Iron Man's thumb and see an image of Donald Duck in a bathtub coming from his chest. Another flick and there's Dumbo flying over the circus tent. Ah, memories.

I'm Not Kickin' It Old School

Well, I have to say sorry for taking so long to blog lately. As you know, my life has been consumed by a certain Professor Crawford. She is a lovely lady (though I've only seen her in online video lectures) but she was not kidding when she said the coursework for this degree would be rigorous.

Back in the day when I got my Master's from UNT, I had to go to class 2 nights a week and did a lot of my homework on the weekends. I met my friend S at UNT and we kicked it old school. She and I took all our classes together, studied together, graduated together and even found the perfect bathroom stall on the 3rd floor of Matthews Hall. For some reason, that one stall had its own window and the others had boring brick walls. Man, I miss that stall.

Anyway... this new degree plan is definitely new school. Lamar University took their old school Education Administration degree plan and adjusted it to become an online course. I'm reading a lot of journal articles and books, writing papers, watching online lectures and I have at least 4 assignments due a week. One class is just 5 weeks long so the mid-term and final exams are only one week apart.

The coursework takes a good chunk of my time every single day but I was still kinda feeling disconnected from the class and its members. The class members and the 2 professors who planned the class will never meet in person. We do have a private online discussion board but none of the people in my class are interested in discussing bathroom stalls.

During the first few weeks of class, it felt as if I was not even in grad school. My brain was telling me that I needed to sit in a classroom to validate the experience. That was until I took the first mid-term exam. Yowza! That sucker was killer but I aced it! Thank you, Saint Thomas Aquinas! (Incidentally, also the patron saint of pencil makers and lightning.)

That exam was enough to get me fully connected to the grad school life once more. I still may feel disconnected from the other class members, but I can learn to accept that. If I can accept the horrible fact that Daddy Yankee is Harvard's Latino of the Year, then anything is possible.

Where's That Cap and Gown?

Ok friends, it's officially official. I'm back in school and my first class starts April 1. There was a bit of a mixup with the school (They thought I wanted a degree in marketing!) so it took a while to get things rolling. But they are rolling now and I'm all set.

My second Master's will be in Education Administration and it will be complete in October of 2009. It's a fancy new degree plan at Lamar University that allows me to take one class in 5 weeks then I get a week off before beginning the next 5-week class. It's gonna be rough but I'm looking forward to it. I put it off waaayy to long.

Since things will get crazy soon, I apologize now for letting your calls go to voicemail, forgetting to reply to your e-mail, putting late comments on your blog, forgetting your birthday, leaving you stranded at the airport and basically not seeing you for about 18 months.

But I love you and I'll see you soon! I'll be the one in the cap and gown.

My Big Redneck Wedding

M called me two nights ago and said something I never though I'd hear him say, "Turn on your TV and put it on CMT." His peculiar request piqued my interest because we are not exactly country folk.

I switched over to the Country Music Television network and found a show called, "My Big Redneck Wedding." It's hosted by Tom Arnold and CMT was having a marathon of weddings! I was particulary moved by the wedding of Gail and John in Westover, Maryland.

Please, please try to catch the flea market wedding of Gail and John. Here are just 3 reasons why:

1. The groom didn't get on one knee to propose. Instead, he peed "Will you marry me?" onto a street for her to read.

2. As a wedding gift, Gail gave John a pink bowling ball that says, "Think of me when you touch your ball."

3. John wrote his own vows and here's a hilarious clip:

The Love Shack

After dealing with that car accident and driving all Monday night in Brown Sugar, I got home at 1:00 a.m. My head said, "Go to bed, go straight to bed, do not pass Go, do not collect $200." I obeyed and did my best to stay awake at work that Tuesday. After work that day, I had to figure out when to get my car repaired and I tried to get in touch with my home security company to beef up my service. So, naturally, that was the perfect time for...

2008 Problem 4

By Tuesday night, I was exhausted and that nasty seat-belt bruise was looking gross. I just wanted to sleep. I curled up in bed and I heard this noise in my attic. It sounded like little squirrel feet. Then I heard a shriek that I often hear from the squirrels that have laid claim to the creek in my back yard. Only, that shriek was coming from my attic. I knew there was no way to get them out at night so I decided to wait until morning to de-squirrel my attic. They must have woken me up about 20 times that night.

On Wednesday, I was home for lunch and I looked in the attic. Nothing. I figured they didn't like my accommodations and they left. Whew! But later that evening, I heard them again. I made M go up into the attic to investigate. As he looked up into the attic, I saw his face drop. And he said, "They're not squirrels. They're raccoons. And they're fu*&ing!" I almost vomited on the spot. I forced M to immediately close the attic door because those nasty things can carry rabies!

It turns out that the raccoons chewed through a vent screen on my roof and got into the attic. January is mating season for raccoons and in March/April they nest and have babies. My attic was their nocturnal love shack! And during the day, they were spooning in a dark corner sleeping the day away.

On Thursday, I made phone calls to Animal Control, I lit some St. Francis candles and I bought this blue powder called Critter Ridder. I sprinkled the Critter Ridder (which aggravates a raccoon's eyes and nose) all around my house and in my attic. During the day, while I was at work, I placed a boom-box in the attic that blared La Casa 106.7 FM. If those raccoons were going to disrupt my sleep, I was going to disrupt theirs with the best in Tejano music. Animal Control lent me a raccoon trap that I set up in the attic. And the St. Francis candle was joined by a rosary session and some holy water.

By Friday night, they were gone and it only cost me $50 total. M was kind enough to repair the vent screen for me. And I finally did catch some Z's but I never did catch anything in the raccoon trap. For which I am grateful because that would have grossed me out even more than knowing some raccoons turned my attic into a dirty motel.

Brown Sugar

So, you already know about my January filled with many car troubles and attempted burglaries. As promised, here comes....

2008 Problem 3

Since January was sucking balls, I was excited to be going on a short road trip with some family and M to San Antonio. It was an excellent three-day weekend filled with too much food and not enough cocktails.

I rode back to Big D with M in his truck on January 21. The rain was pouring down, traffic was bad and when we finally made it into Austin, we were starving. We took an exit off I-35 and traveled towards one of our Austin favs. You know I'm talking about you Vinny's!

We were driving north on Lamar when we saw some crazy bitch driving south down the wet hill. She started to hydroplane, lost control, drove across the median and right into the oncoming traffic. Which included us. First, the crazy bitch hit a pickup and then the pickup smashed into a Caddy. (It was a gold Caddy!)

We were far enough down the hill that we witnessed the whole, scary thing. And then... that crazy bitch started sliding toward us! She never hit the brakes! M tried to move the truck so she wouldn't hit my side. But her car was swirling and there was nowhere to go.

She hit my side of the truck while we were at a complete stop. And we saw her coming so we knew it was going to be bad. My body pushed forward into the seat belt and then pushed back against the seat. M was jolted but since the impact wasn't on his side, it wasn't that bad. Nobody else was hurt in the accident. Is it bad that I kinda wanted that crazy bitch to bleed?

Anyway, M's truck was really damaged and wouldn't even start. It was towed to a body shop that night so that left us stranded in Austin and I had to be at work the next day!

Luckily, M's cousin lives nearby and he picked us up. We made all the insurance calls at his place and he graciously offered us his brown Suburban, appropriately named Brown Sugar, to drive back to Dallas. Now, I need to note that M's cousin is a mortician. His place is a morgue and Brown Sugar has no middle or back seats because it's used to pick up bodies. And we drove it in the middle of the night back to Dallas. Eeek!

We made it back to Dallas safely. I had a seatbelt shaped bruise from my right shoulder to my left breast. So pretty! The bruise is gone now but it was a great conversation starter! M's truck is still in Austin getting repaired. It'll be a while before it's fixed.

So anyway, that's 3 things about the hot mess that is my life. Problem 4 is coming soon and it involves raccoons. You have to come back for that one next week!

Grammy Night!

In honor of Grammy night, I busted out on the Dance Piano. Sorry to the kids who had to wait for me until I finished playing my Grammy-worthy performance of Für Elise.

The Latino Locksmith

As you know, I've decided to let file a grievance with the month of January, 2008. The many, many problems that happened during that month will be filed here.

2008 Problem 2
On January 11, I was still mad about shelling out over 5-hundy for car repairs. But I was glad it was Friday and I wanted to get home to watch Oprah.

I got home at 5:18, pulled into the driveway and clicked the garage door opener. But the garage door didn't go up. I got the opener and walked right up to the garage door and clicked several times. Nothing. My garage opener has a keypad so I entered my code and the door still didn't open. I walked around the house and saw that my house did have electricity. So I couldn't figure out why the door wouldn't open. After a few phone calls to my brother and my dad, I basically had 2 choices: break a window or call a locksmith because I didn't have my house keys with me and my parents lost the spare keys.

5:36 - I called a local locksmith and they said Fernando was on his way to my house.

6:06 - Fernando, the Latino Locksmith, still had not arrived. I was getting hungry, it was getting cold outside. And I had to pee. I called Fernando and he said he was stuck in traffic. I said, "Isn't your business two blocks from my house?" He said, "No. We're part of a team and the locksmith by your house was already out on a call. So they sent it to me and I'm from Rockwall, but I'm almost there." ROCKWALL?? Holy shit!

6:36 - I called Fernando and he said he was "really close." I was afraid to leave my driveway because I thought he'd show up while I was gone and I'd have to wait even longer for his return. The pee emergency was at level orange. I thought about peeing in my backyard, but there are so many squirrels I was afraid they'd bite my butt.

7:18 - Fernando arrived. He unlocked the front door. Once I opened the garage from the inside, the keypad and remote opener started working again. Weird. I peeked at Fernando's price sheet and it looked like he was going to charge me $120! But strangely, he said, "That will be $50." So I quickly wrote him a check before he changed his mind. Before he left my house, he said, "I spent all day at the studio and I'm having an art show tomorrow. Would you like to go to dinner and then to the show with me?" I kindly declined and then told him I really had to pee. Then he asked me for some Advil. ?? Weird.

On January 14, the day after my Check Engine light came on again, I called the manufacturer of my garage door opener and explained what happened. They said my opener "locked down" as a defense against an attempted break in. Evidently, some asshole was using another garage door opener and trying to break into my house with it. Or the asshole was entering in code after code into the keypad trying to break in. Either way... someone tried to break into my house!!!

I guess things could have been worse because this problem only cost me $50 and 2 Advil. But those 2 problems from January are just the beginning. More coming soon... and they involve raccoons and a Suburban named Brown Sugar.

Crappy New Year!

Well, 2008 has not been my year. I spent most of January in the fetile position and wondering how many more Jell-O shots I have left in the fridge. A friend of mine said the best thing to do was to take one bad thing, write about it, then let it go for good. And I started to... but then other weirdo, horrible things kept happening. I don't know what I did to piss off God, but I hope that this new month will bring happier times.

I can't write all my weirdo problems in one post so I'll just pick one to start with. So here we go...

2008 Problem 1
This problem actually began at the very end of 2007. I took my sweet Jetta -that has NEVER been into a shop for repairs- in for a regular oil change and ended up in the VW repair shop. I still don't entirely understand how that oil change went wrong, but I now know that failure to reconnect an air valve is a bad thing. The VW people were really nice and got my Jetta moving again. Then 8 hours later, that stupid Check Engine light came on. I couldn't figure out if the problem was somehow linked to the oil change or if my car was somehow becoming an instant junker.

Over the next few days, I argued with the owner of the oil change place. I called a million mechanics. After all was said and done, I agreed to take the Jetta back to the VW repair shop on January 4. Unfortunately, on January 3, I got a nice glob of liquid Gain in my eye in a freak laundry accident. My right eye swelled up like a puffer fish and I couldn't see out of it. I washed it out and put eye drops, etc... But in the morning, I basically looked like this. I got to the VW place on January 4 and some dude totally drove his car in front of mine and cut in line. Asshole! Then he saw my disfigured eye and ran away without even apologizing. Then, hours later, I found out my car's problem had nothing to do with the oil change. Ugh! So a few days and $518 later, the Jetta was fixed.

On January 13, the Check Engine light came on again. I agonized about whether to take it back to the shop or just drive that car into White Rock Lake. After a week of more phone calls and investigating, I took it back to the VW repair shop. Luckily, it was a small problem and they didn't charge me! Amazing.

In the grand scheme of things, I guess it could have been worse. But you've only heard one problem. And there are several... stay tuned.

I Heart Guanabee!

Many months ago, my sister, A, told me about a Web site called Guanabee. It's a blog about Latin culture and if you know me, you already know I have been talking about it a lot.

The first day I visited the site, I was hooked. For the first time, I was able to read things about Latin culture that was intelligent and still had a killer sense of humor. They understand that as Latinos we have to be able to laugh at ourselves, better ourselves, and still make fun of people from time to time.

I do comment on the site regularly. I use the screen name Latin_Princess. Remember when I worked at that one place and I was the only minority? And my white coworkers were always on pins and needles and watched every single word they spoke. I jokingly demanded that we celebrate the feast day of the Lady of Guadalupe and they did it! I was like their Latin Princess so I've always used that screen name. It's been with me for a long time - back when underscores were still used.

Around Christmas, Guanabee had a give-away for a new Razr2 phone. And if you've seen my current cell phone then you know why I was eager to enter. You had to creatively express to Guanabee why you are a good Latino. So I wrote them about a few things that I have been doing over the last year and Papa Guanabee gifted me with one of those new phones. Hot damn!

Then, this week, they gave me a "Commenter Shout-Out!" It's a very cool thing to get from a kick ass site. Not to get all sappy, but I really respect their work so to have them give me a shout-out was balls-out-awesome! Thanks, G-bee!

This time next year...

Well, it's time for the New Year's Resolutions. I'm not gonna lie, I don't do the usual resolutions like joining a gym, not cussing as much, only one glass of wine a day, or anything fancy like that. I do the kind of resolutions that usually take me all year long. So that by this time next year, I will actually complete my resolutions. (Because there's no way this germophobe could join a gym.)

You see, a loooong time ago I created the "101 Things To Do Before I Die" list. The 101 list is in no particular order - I just thought of things I really wanted to do and randomly assigned them a number. And at the start of each year, I pick a few things on the 101 list and resolve to complete the few things within that year.

As the years have gone by, I've managed to complete 67 of my 101 things. (Yikes - I might need to die soon!) And yes, some things have changed on the 101 list. Seeing Nirvana live in concert isn't gonna work. Neither is going to the top of the World Trade Center. But for the most part, the remaining items on the list stay the same and I do a few each year.

One of the things I resolved to do in 2005 was to see Oprah in person. Done! One of the things for 2006 was to go to The Price is Right and cheer for Bob Barker. Done! In 2007 one thing on my resolution list was to live it up in Vegas and let it stay in Vegas. Done and done! While all of those kicked ass, it took a lot of planning to pull them off along with the other resolutions for that year. They tend to take a while to do.

The resolutions I chose from the 101 list for 2008 are not that bad but they all involve some cabbage. So here they are:

• Go for a ride in a hot-air balloon
• Go to the top of the Space Needle in Seattle
• Buy a hutch and fill it with dishes I actually like (I already got half of the dishes!)
• Get a lawyer to finalize my will ... because the 101 list is almost over