A Letter to St. Patty's Day

Dear St. Patty's Day,

Why do you hate me? What have I ever done to you? I mean, I'm Catholic. I totally understand the religious reasons behind this Catholic Feast Day. I get it. And yet, you punish me every year. Why won't you let me partake in the green beer and other festivities? Do you think I'm over-reacting? Well, allow me to walk you down memory lane.

• St. Patrick's Day - 2004 - Bennigan's in Plano, TX
  Two of my girlfriends and I went to the cliche Irish pub/restaurant and decided it would be corny but fun. We got to the door and they charged us 5 bucks each. That's right, 5 dollars to get into a restaurant where I would eventually pay to eat. WTF? Then, as if that wasn't insulting enough, we got a "special" menu made just for that night with a bunch of gross shit on it. We ended up leaving hungry after dropping 20 bucks total. Bummer.
• St. Patrick's Day - 2005 - The Down Under Pub in Frisco, TX
  Ok, I know you're judging me now. You're probably wondering why I went to an Australian place on the holy grail of Irish holidays. But it was the only place that didn't have lines wrapped around it to get in. Plus, there were a few hot guys in there. BUT, we never got a good table. We ended up standing by the bar all night right under a cold air vent and they didn't have green beer. Then, to our surprise, the place closed at midnight. I almost barfed up my brown beer when last call was made at 11:40. Double bummer!
• St. Patrick's Day - 2006 - Sherlocks in Addison, TX
  I picked up my friend, G, and we grabbed some sushi. Then we drove to Sherlocks and saw a loooong line. There were so many cars that we actually parked half a mile from the entrance. (I measured it!) Then as we were patiently waiting in the long line, a loud crack of thunder shook us and it started pouring. We decided to abort Mission St. Patty and head for the car. But we had half a mile to run in the pouring down rain. Everything on me was soaked through when I got into my car. It was so gross. As I type this, I'm home at 10:30 p.m. on St. Patty's Day in my pajamas with rain hair. Triple bummer!

After the last 2 years, you think I would have learned my lesson. But no. Obviously St. Patrick's Day is out to get me. So, third time was the charm. You win St. Patty's Day. I concede. I regreat not ever trying green beer, but the war is over and you are victorious. I will never try to partake in your spirited festivities again. It was nice knowing you.

Bye,
Clara
p.s. If you think I'm wearing green on March 17 next year, you're out of your mind. And if you try to pinch me, I'll give you a titty twister.

Next Blog

Have you ever just hit the "Next Blog" button to see what you get? It's kinda like channel surfing for a good blog. Can we call it blog surfing? Ok, deal.

So, I was blog surfing earlier today. Man, some people are totally out of their minds! I would list links to their blogs, but some of them looked satanic and I'd hate to have the spawn of satan chasing me. Others were totally pornographic and I can't post links to those because I'm almost certain I'd get cyber-arrested for it.

Anyway, something really creepy yet cool caught my eye. It was a rather morbid site that was written in the point of view of someone in "the afterlife." In one posting, the blogger wrote things she wished her "living friends" knew about her that day. I totally dug that one posting (the rest were creepy realizations about the human body as it decomposes - yuck) and I think I'm going to copy her on that one.

So here goes... here are 10 things I want my friends to know about me today:

• My life totally changed after the birth of my nephew, Braden
• I still watch reruns of "My So-Called Life" because I'm a total Gen X-er
• The Shins, The Beatles and Pearl Jam are all competing to be my favorite band
• I cannot sleep without my electric blanket
• Cantaloupe is always in my house because I love it that much
• I can tap dance and belly dance; but only my boyfriend has seen me do it
• My bird, Pedro, learned how to climb up his play ladder
• Catcher in the Rye is my favorite book and I've read it a dozen times
• My first novel will be about my family and I have been struggling with a title for months
• My favorite pic of M and me is this one:
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  What 10 things should I know about you? E-mail me and let me know.

Super Fine Valentine

Ahhh, February. Just the mention of this month sends some people screaming and others swooning. I guess it has to do with Valentine's Day. You know, I don't really mind Valentine's Day. I mean, if it weren't for Valentine's Day, men would never get boxer shorts with oversized hearts all over them. And women would never have an excuse to eat an entire box of chocolates.

Although, there is 1 thing I never really understood. Why do people hate it so much? Some say it's a "Hallmark" created holiday that just sucks more money out of your bank account right after the Christmas rush. But that is simply not true and it sometimes makes me angry to hear such ignorance. I was reading Vogue magazine and there was a one-page article about how some "fashionable" people were celebrating Valentine's Day. Most of them trashed it and dismissed it as a commercialized holiday. As if their $2,000 Prada tank top isn't just commercialized hype either.

I am the first to admit that I don't spend a lot of money on Valentine's Day. My sweetie gave me a nice gift and I gave him one. But we didn't go over the top. It was just a special day to spend together and reflect on how blessed our bond is. It's a day to celebrate love. If you are one of those maniacs who spends thousands on some corny gift then that's your own stupidity. If you buy into the hype of Valentine's Day, then maybe you should also buy into the hype of $2,000 tank tops.

The truth is this: Valentine's Day should actually be called St. Valentine's Day. It's a Catholic feast day for St. Valentine, the patron saint of love. If you are not Catholic, you probably should not be celebrating Valentine's Day anyway. If you are not Catholic, do you celebrate Ash Wednesday? How about St. Francis of Assisi Day with the Blessing of the Animals? I bet you don't.

People who are of varying religious backgrounds don't mind celebrating St. Patrick's Day. And yes, that is also a Catholic feast day for St. Patrick, the patron saint of Ireland. There are many Catholic holidays that were attacked by corporations in order to make a buck and that is a shame. But if you can see the true religious reasons for them, then it makes celebrating that holiday much more meaningful.

Please don't trash religious holidays because it just shows your ignorance, especially if you are not a practicing member of that faith. And if you happen to be a practicing Catholic, then Happy St. Valentine's Day to you!

January

This month is only 18 days old -this year is only 18 days old- but so far we're off to a good start. I hope this momentum continues.

5 Cool Things About January (so far):

• My mom won a kick ass award for her job as a Family Services Coordinator at an elementary school. She is the new Top Partnership Liaison for the state of Texas.
• My older sister and her family won Family of the Year for the town she lives in.
• My birds, Napoleon and Pedro, turned a year old this month.
• I perfected my Baked Chicken Parmesan recipe.
• My sweetie and I celebrate 6 months TODAY!

5 Crappy Things About January (so far):

• I thought I was eating a black jelly bean, but it was a mutant bean with multiple flavors and they were all bad.
• My Wonder Woman mouse pad had to be thrown away because of a freak accident involving a three hole punch.
• American Express withdrew the wrong amount out of my checking account for my last payment; thus making my car payment, phone bill and cable bill late.
• My neighbor's outdoor faucet broke and flooded his yard and mine.
• My other neighbor's daughter quit Girl Scouts and I have no link to the cookies this year.

All in all, the good outweighs the bad by a landslide. Here's hoping 2006 brings better things than 2005.

Did you hear about...

...the burning mouse that started a house fire in New Mexico? This mouse must be a descendant of Stuart Little. No shit, man! Get this... a dude in NM was burning leaves and found a live mouse. In order to "dispose" of it, he threw it into the pile of burning leaves. That mouse was clearly seeking revenge when it miraculously ran out of the fire -even though it was covered in flames itself- and went straight under the house near a window. Shortly, the whole house was on fire and the homeowner lost everything! Can you imagine what it was like to see a mouse engulfed in flames running across the yard and directly underneath a house? Good gravy.

There are so many lessons to learn from all this - so many metaphors - so much symbolism. But none of that matters when you stop think about what will happen when PETA gets a hold of that dude.

Happy New Year Ya'll!

Happy 2006! Wow, I can't believe it's 2006. The other day I was watching Good Morning America and they were talking about an actor who has not made a movie since 1997. And they were talking like that was FOREVER ago. Then I stopped and thought, holy crap that was 9 years ago! That is a long time for an actor not to make a movie. I was so thrown by how fast the last 9 years have gone by that I tuned out - I never got the name of the "disappearing" actor.

So then I started doing the math. I realized that my ten year high school reunion was TWO years ago! Man, I'm old! My ten year COLLEGE reunion is in TWO years. Damn, I'm really old! I'm not gonna lie, I got a little depressed. But then I remembered my grandma is 83. Guess I'm not so old after all.

Ok, so... resolution time. I actually have resolutions this year! I will need lots of luck and many blessings to get them done. And there's not even that many. Here they are in no particular order:

• Finish my novel
• Attend a taping of The Price is Right
• Go to bed earlier
• Cook for myself more often

I hope I can do it. I'll keep you posted. (ouch, no pun intended there.) If you guys have any resolutions let me know. I'd love to hear them.

The Wedding Story

Ok,

I apologize for taking forever to finish up this story...but here goes. So I'm in NY for my friend's wedding. We get there and everyone is super duper nice. I'm taking sugary sweet, man. The ceremony was positively beautiful. It was meaningful and deep - which was very different from the quickie weddings I've been to lately.

After the ceremony, the wedding party had to go up to the front of the church for pictures. My sweetie, M, was in the back taking photos with another friend of mine that was at the wedding. One of the ladies from the church walked over to them and said hello. We'd met her the night before at the rehearsal dinner. Let's just call her B for the sake of privacy. So, B walks over to M and starts talking about the lovely ceremony. M comments to her that the church itself was lovely. It's nestled in a wooded area full of large trees and hills. B looks right at him and says, "Yes, but this area is changing. People are forgetting about what happened on September 11 and they 're letting the Muslims into this area." She said it with a firey tone and almost metamorphosied into Hitler.

What made me mad was that we were in a church. No one should say crass comments like that in a church. Secondly, B is the pastor's WIFE. How could this "Christian" woman say such a nasty thing? Finally, she said that we are all forgetting what happened on September 11 to my sweetie.... who's a FIREFIGHTER! Of course he did not forget what happened. He almost cried at the World Trade Center Site. Firefighters are a brotherhood - he still aches for those that died that day. How dare she make such an insulting comment to my M. If that bitch were not pushing 60, I would have given her a titty twister on the spot!