5 Things CC Taught Me

1. Red lights are optional in Corpus Christi. If you’re at a red light and no one is coming, you can just go on through the intersection. That annoying red light is more like an illuminated stop sign. I actually felt weird for staying at the red light while waiting for it to turn green. I simply could not bring myself to run it.

2. The only Mexican bakery in CC that still does pink cake correctly is the Michoacán. There are new variations of pink cake that I’ve found at different Mexican bakeries all over Texas. But, luckily, the original can still be found in CC. If you spot original pink cake in your neck of the woods, you must tell me.

3. Santa Selena (Saint Selena) is real if you believe. She is like the Santa Claus of Corpus Christ. Her grave is a regular spot for locals and tourists to visit. By the way, her grave is creepy and I won’t apologize for saying that. Her memorial statue is equally popular but a little less creepy. And people still jam out to her music, paint murals of her all over the city and I know someone who carries a pic of her in his wallet.

4. If you’re into people watching, you should hit up the Saratoga Bingo Hall. I went twice and will continue to go there. It’s as good as airport people watching! They bust out their lucky charms and have an entire gaming system that fascinates me. Have I ever won money from that bingo hall? No. Have I ever laughed so much I cried there? Hell-to-the-yes!

5. Pack your fat pants. Like New Orleans, you will eat. A LOT. This city has some of the best Mexican food (not necessarily Tex-Mex) and you just can’t help yourself. It’s the same with the pink cake; you won't be able to say no. But, most importantly, they have HEB Plus which is the most awesome grocery store in America. You’ll go in there and buy things just because you can. And why shouldn’t you?

5 Things NOLA Taught Me

1. Traveling to New Orleans, LA by car could mean hours added to your road trip. Especially if there is something going on, like a football game or a concert. We happened to be going there when the Cowboys played the Saints. The traffic was a nightmare and most of them were Saints fans who lived outside of NOLA. Good thing I wasn’t in my car with my Cowboys antenna ball. And I guess it was a good thing we didn't go to the game because the Cowboys won and we were probably their only fans in NOLA.

2. Café du Monde is always packed... except maybe when the Saints are playing. The café is typically overflowing with people but we walked right in and seated ourselves. The game was in the 4th quarter and the café was dead. There was only one other couple in the café and they looked like they just arrived from the set of Gilligan’s Island. Seriously, they were eerily similar to this. But I have to say that those little beignets are worth the wait and live up to the hype. AMAZING!

3. You can and should walk around with your adult beverage. You can buy wine, cocktails and other adult beverages just about everywhere including pharmacies, gas stations and small “walk ups.” (Imagine a hot dog vendor or snow cone stand that sells only mixed drinks.) As long as your beverage of choice is NOT in a glass container, you’re able to take it with you as you go; even from bar to bar.

4. A bicycle is the best way to see the city. We went on a bike tour with the Confederacy of Cruisers (named after the novel A Confederacy of Dunces about NOLA). It was AWESOME. We cruised through quiet neighborhoods and got a taste of the true Big Easy. Our tour guide rocked and it was my favorite part of the trip. But do it sober; it may be the Big Easy but you still can’t drink and drive.

5. Pack your fat pants. You will eat. And eat. And eat some more. This city has a wide range of restaurants that go from street carts to upscale dining and they’re all outstanding. You will try to restrain yourself but trust me, it will be for naught. Just open up your trap and give in. You will thank me later.

Word.

Today I heard some people talking about going out to lunch and burritos came up as an option. Chipotle was their winner but they didn’t pronounce it correctly. It came out as ‘chip-pole-tee’ and the correct pronunciation is 'chip-oat-lay.' Ugh.

Last month, I was at a Christmas party and I heard this woman talking to some children about Santa Claus. Only, she pronounced it as ‘san-tee’ instead of ‘san-tuh.’ Sigh.

This season on Top Chef, I noticed several of the contestants prepared ceviche. Only, they didn’t pronounce it correctly. They said ‘suh-veech’ instead of ‘seh-veech-eh.’ Groan.

And those are just the ones off the top of my head. There are more out there, I’m sure of it! What I am not sure of is why I am bothered by the way people mispronounce certain words. Perhaps it is linked to people calling me by the wrong name on a daily basis. I’ve been called Carla, Clarissa, Claire, Clarice and several other variations of the name Clara. Several of my coworkers, who have known me over 7 years, still don’t get it right.

Either way, there is just no excuse for saying “supposeBly” when the word is clearly spelled s-u-p-p-o-s-e-D-l-y.

Yes, Viginia, There Is A Rule About Drinking At Graduation

I graduated on Dec. 19 with my second Master's degree. It was a chilly day in Beaumont, TX and I rushed to get into the auditorium. We were divided into rooms based on the degree you were receiving and your last name. In my room, we had a lot of no-shows so we all just kinda sat around and talked.

As we were lining up, a woman came rushing in. She was running late and made it just in time. Her hair was all the way to her knees and she was carrying a wrinkled graduation gown and chugging a cold bottled coffee.

It turns out this long haired woman, Virginia, was full on drunk. At 9:30 a.m. Turns out that Starbucks drink was not just coffee. Virginia proceeded to tell us, in great detail, stories of her family, her stresses through grad school and other personal problems.

As luck would have it, Virginia sat next to me at the graduation. Our last names are not even close in the alphabet, but because of all the no-shows, she was my neighbor. The ceremony was in the opening phase when Virginia pulled up her graduation gown, hiked up her skirt and pulled a cell phone out of her thigh-highs. We were strictly told not take cell phones, but Virginia found a way.

It was time to go across the stage. (By the way, M got it on video and will post it soon.) As we were waiting in line to go across, some of our professors were sitting near the line. They were shaking the hands of the graduates and giving us a, "Congratulations!" as we walked by. But not Virginia. She reached over and did a full on hug. The kind of hug you get from a drunk relative at Christmas. And she didn't just hug one professor, she hugged them all- even the ones that were not from the education department.

Needless to say, Virgina made that graduation the funniest one yet... and thankfully, I do have a basis for comparison. There were other ceremonies that were more sentimental, like the first Master's where I sat next to one of my sweetest friends. Or my Bachelor's graduation when my brother yelled, "Way to go Munchkin" and everyone laughed. But this one, with drunk Virginia, was the funniest. Thanks, Virginia!

After the ceremony, I joined my family and M for lunch. The graduation was actually really short and didn't last all afternoon like some ceremonies. During lunch, I told my family about Virginia and we all laughed. I couldn't help but wonder what Virginia was having for lunch.

The Christmas Wish List - 2009

Buckle up, kids. After a one-year hiatus, the Christmas wish list makes its second appearance. I mainly do this for M, my sweet babboo, who never knows what to get me. Also, it's a fun way to share some of the things I've spotted during 2009 that would make a fun gift for anyone. Here we go...

1. This awesome sleeping bag to be used only by nerdy Star Wars fans, like yours truly.


2. This t-shirt needs no explanation, as it is already a classic.


3. This movie is still a family favorite. We used to have it on VHS but it was eaten by a VCR in 1998.


4. This cool jewelry thingy caught my eye and I WANT IT!


5. I think anyone would enjoy this piece of interactive clothing.

6. You can do me a solid and make a donation to my favorite charity, The March of Dimes.

Merry Christmas!

Always a Line for the Ladies Room

I went to at a training session in a different building. The training session consisted of five whole days but they spread those days out over 2 weeks. During our daily sessions, we would get 15-minute breaks. And without fail, the guys always commented on how long it took us girls to get in and out of the bathroom. So, I decided to write this post for them. Especially Mr. Know-It-All Guy from Garland.

First of all, it is most important to note that the main time suck in a women’s restroom are all those fancy automatic things that have become the norm in public restrooms. Allow me to explain that along with the other factors that cause those looong lines. And since this is bathroom talk, it may get ugly.

When a woman walks into a public restroom, there are four things that must be in place before we can commit to one stall.

1. There cannot be anything, and I mean anything, on the toilet seat or floating in the bowl. Why? Because we actually have to sit down, naked on the seat. We could potentially sit on something grody or something grody could splash up on us. Eww!

2. There must be toilet paper in the stall.

3. If toilet seats covers are available, there must be some in the container.

4. The door must lock. Can you imagine sitting there naked and someone pushes the door open? Not pretty.

If any of those items are not in place, we immediately back out of the stall and try the next one. Once we are committed to a stall, we have to remove every item of clothing from the waist down. And we have to be careful that our clothing (at knee level) doesn’t touch the toilet. Also, there is a very delicate amount of time between placing the toilet seat cover on the seat and then sitting down. If you place the cover on too soon, it can slide right into the bowl. Once everything is in order, we do our business and then proceed to get dressed.

With the invention of automatic flushing came yet another thing to add to the already crammed timing in the restroom. There are 4 basic problems with flushing.

1. The automatic flusher sometimes does not flush. So you have to stand there and wiggle around in hopes of setting off the sensor. If that does not work, you have to get a piece of toilet paper and hold it while pushing the flusher button.

2. The automatic flusher goes off too early. So you have to jump up as fast as possible in hopes of avoiding the unintentional bidet.

3. There is no automatic flusher – it is the old school knob. You have to get a piece of toilet paper and hold it while flushing or you can flush with your shoe. Just kick up that foot!

4. The flusher is broken. That is a whole other nightmare that has to be dealt with because the ladies waiting in line will know that you are the one who left a potty present.

Once things have been flushed and we are dressed, we exit the stall and proceed to the sink. We have to wash our hands with soap and dry them off. There are four things that can go wrong here.

1. The automatic soap and water dispensers are not only picky, but also greedy. You have to hold your hand in just the right spot so the sensor will give you one tiny squirt of soap. So you have to keep at it until you get enough soap. The automatic water dispensers are designed to conserve water. But you simply cannot get the soap off your hands with the small amount of water they provide. So you could be there a while trying to get the sensor to give you just enough water to rinse off.

2. The automatic paper towel dispensers do not recognize you and will not give you a paper towel. Sometimes you have to stand there and wiggle your wet hand around the sensor until some paper scoots out of the machine.

3. The automatic dryers are a good thing. Good for the environment and good for the clean up crew. However, they are disgusting because water pools on the floor just below them. They take a really long time and they still don’t do a good job of drying your hands. Other ladies are in line waiting for the dryers so we abort mission and exit the bathroom. And can’t help but squirm when touching the already wet door knob.

4. The automatic dryers are broken and/or there are no paper towels. This is particularly annoying if you notice it after having washed your hands. You gotta do the “dog shake off” and hope for the best.

So you see, a lot of the delay in women’s restrooms is caused by timing – it has to be just right. The automatic things that were installed in hopes of moving the process along have only made it worse. Plus, the whole issue of getting fully undressed then redressed is a problem… especially if you’re wearing tights or leggings.

Oh and we didn’t even get into hair/makeup checks and the fragile subject of “that time of the month.” I will spare you. But just know that these issues are just a part of what we deal with in a public restroom and that’s just the way it is. Now pass me some toilet paper from under the stall wall; I’m out.

It's Over!

Over the last 18 months, I have been married to Lamar University. I'm sad to say that there were times when I contemplated throwing in the towel and getting a quickie divorce. It just didn't seem worth it. I was doing all this work and Lamar was putting nothing into the relationship. When Lamar did choose to speak to me, it was always in an e-mail and would unwittingly accused me of doing things wrong. However, I knew a quickie divorce would be messy... especially if I tried to hook up with a new university later on.

So I stuck it out. I knew that I could win if I just held out long enough. And I did. My final project, which I like to call the Divorce Decree, was a 23-page paper and it was submitted earlier today. The class doesn't officially end until next week, but I wanted to jump ahead to end this thing properly. There is such a thing as a civilized divorce.

I did go through 8 high-lighters and 14 reams of paper to get this second Master's degree. Oh, and it also cost me one social life. But I must say that it's nice to have my life back. I'm feeling excited about the possibilities and anxious to see what the next chapter is in my little life.