I recently bumped into someone I've known for a while. I don't see her too often but when we do see each other, it's usually not planned and a real "bump in" situation. Every time she sees me, she asks about M but not in a nice way. It's always a steady stream of questions that go something like this - all in ONE breath:
"Hey, C! How are you? How's M? Did he pop the question? Are you getting married? Do you discuss marriage? How long has it been now? Shouldn't you be concerned about having babies?"
Then she just pauses and waits for me to answer. I usually give her a puzzled smile because I honestly do not know which question I should answer first as she asked 7 rapid fire questions without giving me an opportunity to answer even one of them. On this most recent "bump in" I responded with, "Why don't you ever ask if we're happy?" She seemed stunned and made a quick excuse to get out of the situation. I don't understand why certain married people find it necessary to badger single people about not being married. It's not like I go around asking married people why they aren't divorced yet.
Perhaps those married people are unhappy and want someone to commiserate with. Perhaps they find marriage to be a drag and want someone else to be in that club with them. Like when you're eating something that tastes bad and you say to the person sitting next to you, "Taste this, it's awful!"
Or maybe they are just concerned. A lot of people in our society believe there's something "wrong" with people who are not married and don't have kids by a certain age. My friend C, who is more like family, recently spoke to a man in San Antonio, TX who chided her and all "career women" for not putting marriage and kids as the top priority in life. And yet, he himself was divorced.
Are they nosy? Are they rude? Is it a little bit of both? I call it rude. And as I told my friend C, she should have kindly reminded that stupid man that it's two thousand and f'ing TEN, not 1910. It's not even 1950:
( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=deCHQdZuXog )
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2 comments:
i agree! i have seen so many unhappy marriages, however, dave and i are so happy. isn't happiness more important than following a "specific way of life"? why must we be berated with how we live our lives? not anyone's business!
Hey, I got a shout-out!
I will be with the BF for eight years in September. Anyone that asks me, "So, when are you getting married?" doesn't know me. If and when we do get married, we'll start getting asked, "When are you having baby?" followed by, "When are you having ANOTHER baby?" It's never going to end.
Anytime I'm asked why I'm not married, I say, "Marriage is the leading cause of divorce." That shuts people up rather quickly.
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